Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
