hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Welp...herpes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
