just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
