woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
