Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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