addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
