She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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