is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
