I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
