Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
