You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
