Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
