Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
