Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
