a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
