it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
