I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
