Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
