i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
