I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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