I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
