I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
