it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
