I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
