update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
