i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
