if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
