Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
