Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
