she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you didnt know i had herpes?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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