Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
