He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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