I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
