i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
