Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
