Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
