I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
