What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will pee on everything he values.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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