Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
