So drunk its hurt
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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