Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
