First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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