One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
