you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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