I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
