maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
