I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
