oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
