Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
