I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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