What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize