I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
