wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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