She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
