The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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