Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
