I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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