Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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