But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
