Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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