I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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