he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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