So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
