They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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