Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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