you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
