There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize