That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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