im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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