So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
