Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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