Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So much rum. So many feels.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
