; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
