My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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