Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
