Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
