If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
