my phone needs a breathalizer
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
