my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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